Comedy in Leicester

Thousands of Leicestershire people are able to get involved in Leicester Comedy  F estival thanks to the support from John Lewis Leicester.  The festival's Make Me Happy programme encourages individuals, community groups and schools to get involved in a variety of workshops, events and activities linked to the main festival.  The Programme has been a key part of Leicester Comedy Festival since the festival began in 1994 and its estimated that a staggering 150,000 people have taken part since then.  Further information about Make  Me Happy is available by visiting www.makemehappy-online.co.uk .

This is the third year that John Lewis Leicester have supported the programme and their support involves activities taking place in the store, staff performing in shows as well as general support to community groups across Leicestershire.  Community groups involved in the programme include The Contact Project based on St Matthews Estate in Leicester, Regent College, Age Concern, Gateway College, Bright s parks Drama group, Hathi Productions and Leicester city libraries.

Much of the activities engage young people but the Make Me Happy programme extends across the ages.  Funny Old World seeks to influence the education and attitudes of older people as well as younger people through intergenerational contact and profile using perceptions and portrayal of older people through comedy as a stimulus for debate and to challenge stereotypes.  This project aims to promote healthy ageing, raise the profile and debate around ageing and provide oppurtunities to learn new skills and develop learning in retirement and tackle social exclusion.  It will also act as a tool to create new social networks, highlight issues of prejudice and age discrimination.

John Lewis Partners (Staff) will be performing a series of 10 minute comedy sketches at a special performance at the recently opened Phoenix Square, the latest building to open as part of Leicester cultural quarter.  The show, taking place on Sunday 7th February, will also include a pre-show quiz with prizes donated from John Lewis Leicester. 

On announcing the continued support John Lewis Leicester is supplying, Kate Hampson, Managing Director, John Lewis Leicester, said " John Lewis is once again delighted to be the main supporter of the Make Me Happy Programme. We are very committed to being a force for good and contributing positively to the city.  We have witnessed the benefits of the programme in Leicester over the last two years and the unique opportunities we have come by and we hope to continue to help supporting the Leicester Comedy Festival and helping them do more for the people of Leicester. "

Leicester comedy Festival Director, Geoff Rowe,  s aid " We are thrilled to bits to be working with John Lewis Leicestre once again.  Their support of Make Me Happy demonstratetheir commitments to the important work carried out in our partnership with local people and communities.  Make Me happy is a unique programme which emcourages people to develop a whole host of skills and experiences   We're particulary looking forward to seeing John Lewis Partners performing on Stage themselves and giving it a go! "

Leicester Comedy festival runs from 5-12st February .

Jongleurs, 30 - 32 Granby Street, Leicester, LE1 1DE

see Jongleurs for full details

Friday 18th Sept – Jongleurs

Review by staff reporter Nick Furlong

A packed room sat in anticipation of this Friday nights entertainment, there was certainly no avoiding the immense buzz circulating the atmosphere. The sense of expectation was coupled with a healthy open mind from a large part of the audience that I had spoke to, largely because this seemed to be a new experience for the majority.

The night was brought to a tremendous opening by a rather jovial and excitable compere, firing instant humiliation the way of the audience; managing to leap into the realms of controversial and even rude humour with a brilliant sense of taste, never once causing offence. A great manly “cheeky – chappy” Al Murray- esque stage presence was carried along with his consistently good links between acts.

Jimmy Mcghie also delivered a very clever set, in an immensely fashionable way, comparable to the most well loved current stand up styles. This class act is obviously one of Britain's rising stand up comedy stars! Jimmy’s observational style of humour seemed to be particularly going down well, with his occasional snippets of personal experience gradually building up to a climax of the entire audience in raptures by the end of the incredibly well performed set.

The audience were treated to a full energy show, persistently coupling accents with a clear sense of an enormous skill for acting; all delivered in a professional, calm manner. A young performer with as much energy for role play as Russel Howard!

Next to the stage was Phil Walker, a very topical based comedian. Obviously really benefitted from riding on the crest of a wave that had been created by Jimmy previously, the audience already hyped up were instantly in stitches at Phil’s brilliantly culturally and socially relevant humour. Phil had a remarkable knack of stating what everyone else in the room was thinking, creating an absolutely hilarious atmosphere all round due to the fact that everyone could relate to the points made in his set so well. Strengthening the idea that people could relate to his jokes, constant references were made to famous names and the media in general, a technique that seemed very well received. Phil Walker showed a fantastic youthful energy throughout.

Roaring? Crying? Absolutely wetting themselves with laughter?... to be frank are just a few ways I could describe how funny the entire room found the last act, Tony Hendriks, the White Jamaican. An absolute delight to watch, a comedian that new exactly the right spot to hit when it came to the potentially offensive humour, pulling this off with some immense skill and hilarity. Tony showed Leicester a true 100% whole hearted performance tonight, using race in a delightfully tasteful and light hearted way, inducing the audience into fits of laughter and rapturous appreciation throughout the broad audience. Tony Hendriks had brought a truly hilarious night of comedy in Leicester to an end, one to be experienced more often by Leicester folk for sure!

Ship of Fools

The popular Sunday comedy club at the Richard Attenborough Centre each month, starting at 7.30 p.m.

Licensed Bar. Tikcets £8 (concessions/NUS/under 19s £6) in advance 0r £10/£8 on the door

Richard Attenborough Centre website

If this stuff made you laugh, give some money to the Red Nose appeal.

Quickthinking

A man in Tesco tries to buy half a cauliflower. The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole cauliflowers. The man persists and asks to see the manager.
The boy says he'll ask his manager about it.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager,

'Some prat out there wants to buy half a cauliflower.'

As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him,
so he added, 'And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half.'

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.

Later the manager said to the boy, 'I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?'

'Liverpool, sir,' the boy replied. 'Well, why did you leave Liverpool?' the manager asked.

The boy said, 'Sir, there's nothing but whores and footballers up there.'

'Really?' said the manager. 'My wife is from Liverpool.'

'You're kidding?' replied the boy. 'Who'd she play for

The following are sentences actually typed by Medical Secretaries in the NHS Greater Glasgow Hospitals:

The patient has no previous history of suicides.

Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.

Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.

The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

She is numb from her toes down.

While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

The skin was moist and dry

Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.

Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

Skin: somewhat pale, but present.

The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities
.
When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.

Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.

By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

Mathematics joke

Note found on the refrigerator one morning:

My Dear Honey,

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife.

Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel.

Please don't be upset I shall be home before midnight.'

When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:

My Dear Husband,

I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old.

As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old.

As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference - 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.

Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.

Joke for management consultants

A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization.

Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Steve's Place,' and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.

It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.

Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?'

'Well, 'he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour.

If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.' I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.

Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'

'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom.

By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.

I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'

'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'

Joke for people who speak Scottish

A wee Glesga wumman goes in tae a butcher shop, where the butcher has just came oot the freezer, and is standing haunds ahint his back, with his erse aimed at an electric fire. The wee wumman checks oot the display case then asks, 'Is that yer Ayrshire bacon?' 'Naw,' replies the butcher. 'It's jist ma haun's ah'm heatin'.

Jokes for teachers

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS:Maria

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

A joke for those from Pompey

A young blonde Portsmouth girl, down on her luck, decided to end it all one night by casting herself into the cold, dark waters off Gunwharf Quay.

As she stood on the edge, pondering the infinite, a young sailor noticed her as he strolled by. 'You're not thinking of jumping, are you babe?' he
asked.

'Yes, I am.' replied the sobbing girl. Putting his arm around her, the kind sailor coaxed her back from the edge. 'Look, nothing's worth that. I'll tell you what - I'm sailing off for Australia tomorrow.

Why don't you stow away on board and start a new life over there ?

I'll set you up in one of the lifeboats on the deck, bring you food and water every night and I'll look after you, if you look after me, if you know what I mean.

You just have to keep very quiet so that you won't be found.'

The girl, having no better prospects, agreed, and the sailor sneaked her on board that very night. For the next 3 weeks the sailor came to her lifeboat every night, bringing food and water, and making love to her until dawn.

Then, during the fourth week, the captain was performing a routine inspection of the ship and its lifeboats. He peeled back the cover to find the startled blonde, and demanded an explanation.

The girl came clean, 'I've stowed away to get to Australia . One of the sailors is helping me out. He set me up in here and brings me food and water every night ... and he's screwing me.'

The captain stared at her for a moment before replying 'He certainly is, love. This is the Isle of Wight Ferry.'